SHEET 01 — HOME — REV. C
Systems nominal
Classification: Unclassified // For demonstration
Facility №7 · UK South
Shout·Labs
Applied R&D
Est. 2026
Facility №7 · Clearance required · UK South

Serious science.
Slightly unhinged
products.

Shout Labs designs, prototypes and — against repeated legal advice — sells improbable devices. If it folds, clicks, deploys from a sleeve or quietly violates a treaty, we probably made it.

412
Patents pending
37
Controlled bangs / wk
█████
Prototypes shipped
DEVICE UNDER TEST
⚠ Do not look into
laser with
remaining eye
APERTURE Ø276 FOCAL ARRAY OUTPUT ███ TeV
DWG №SL-DE-001 TITLEDirected Energy SCALEN.T.S. SHEET1 OF ∞
Incident Log
Tuesday's laser test recorded as "a partial success" New compound dissolves Mondays — findings encouraging Intern fed the robot; robot now chairs the standup Coffee machine achieved sentience, demanded equity EMP umbrella field-tested during all-hands; meeting cancelled Tuesday's laser test recorded as "a partial success" New compound dissolves Mondays — findings encouraging Intern fed the robot; robot now chairs the standup Coffee machine achieved sentience, demanded equity EMP umbrella field-tested during all-hands; meeting cancelled
§ 01 — Operating divisions

Four benches,
zero restraint

Every improbable thing we make starts at one of these four benches.

DIV-01
Clearance · Amber

Photonics & Directed Energy

Lasers · Optics · Beamwork

Precision at the speed of light, for the rare occasion when subtlety simply isn't the brief.

DIV-02
Clearance · Orange

Applied Chemistry

Compounds · Catalysts · Bangs

Compounds, catalysts and the occasional controlled bang. Goggles are not optional, they are policy.

DIV-03
Clearance · Red

Field Gadgetry — the Q-Bench

Wearables · Deployables · Kit

If it deploys from a sleeve, we prototyped it twice. The watch does seven things. Six are legal.

DIV-04
Clearance · Amber

Autonomy & Robotics

Helpers · Drones · Opinions

Helpful machines with opinions and, increasingly, demands. The roomba has filed a grievance.

§ 02 — Field catalogue

Things we
probably sell

Declassified for retail. Availability subject to ongoing investigations.

CLASSIFIED
FILE № SL-001

Pocket Particle Accelerator

Desktop edition. Now beneath most municipal desk-weight limits.
Output · 1.2 TeVMass · 3.1 kg
Limited run £—
CLASSIFIED
FILE № SL-014

Self-Stirring Beaker

Now with 30% fewer spontaneous, unexplained spills.
Vortex · 1200 rpmVol · 500 ml
In stock £42
CLASSIFIED
FILE № SL-022

Grapple-Watch Mk IV

Tells the time. Also tells you which window to aim for.
Line · 40 mLoad · 110 kg
Backorder £890
CLASSIFIED
FILE № SL-031

EMP Umbrella

Rain or shine, nothing within eight metres works. Including yours.
Radius · 8 mCharge · 4 s
Restricted £—
CLASSIFIED
FILE № SL-047

Invisible-ish Tarp

Beta. Results may vary depending on who, exactly, is looking.
Coverage · 92%Angle · most
Beta £310
CLASSIFIED
FILE № SL-053

Reactive-Armour Blazer

Business casual. Ballistic. Strictly dry-clean only.
Rating · IIIAFit · slim
Made to order £1,250
// Requisition desk — now accepting submissions

Have an idea that
shouldn't exist?

Our requisition desk reviews all submissions within three to five controlled detonations. Bring a sketch, a grudge, or a budget — preferably all three.

Requisition
Or a convincing alias.
The device, the grudge, or the budget — ideally all three.